we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
