I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize