fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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