I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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