saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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