Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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