Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
