U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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