Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Randomize
