If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
