I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
