John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
