Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
