she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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