I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You made out with two different species that night
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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