maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Everything about him screamed your future.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
