i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I looked at my own cervix.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
