Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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