walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
