Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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