her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
