I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
