Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
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