We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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