Someone shit on the floor
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
