I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I am one with the molecules
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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