I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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