I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
