and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
