That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
