Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
