If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
