but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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