put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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