Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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