From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
