She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
