Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
