The maid of honor just puked.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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