i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
