Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
