I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
