Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
