I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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