I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
