I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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