I'm pants shitting drunk right now
id be glad to
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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