I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Fuck appropriateness.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
