I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My breasts were aching with rage.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
