no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
